Moments Of My Life

Today is my dad’s birthday…I called him to wish him a Happy Birthday and amazingly my little Girl Charlotte sang him a birthday song over the phone which kind of make his day…However our joy then turns to worried …..Apparently may dad has just got discharged out of the hospital  about a week ago…..He was found to be having some kind of bleeding in his esophagus…and needed 3 bags of blood… and according to the doctor that’s because he has been consuming some kind of medication prescribed by his heart surgeon( anyway he has heart problem so he has to take this medication ) Now he has to stop taking the medication that caused this problem and they have to monitor his heart and the espohagus thing and at the same time earlier this year he was dignosed with bladder stone which has somehow or rather injured part of the tissue in his bladder and he has to do a key hole surgery to have the stone removed …. OMG how is he going to go thru this surgery which is supposely to be scheduled on September this year…..I am so Damn Worried…Why ?Why?Why? Why? it has to happen to me n my family…My elder brother died in 1991 of pneumonia, my mum died in 1997 of cervical cancer now what…….Please spare my family…There are so many idiots out there who comitted crime but they live thru their old aged …Come on what is this…I am so sad to see my Dad suffered… I saw how my bro and mum suffered at their dead bed and I dont want my Dad to go through the same shit! I really do not know what to say … Hope God have mercy on us…and grant my dad a long life!

I am tired of trying to please everyone else…I am sick of trying to do it all the time…Can never be real……………Life is just a pretendious journey. I am so tired …………………..wish I can be myself again just like when my mum was around… those were the only times……..well it is all over now…Whenever I was trying to get close to someone else……I will be pushed far far away……..I feel so rejected, unwanted and lonely at times. I am trying my very best to be strong but sometimes it is so hard……..It is so painful and hurt deep inside my heart just like a knife piercing through my fragile soul……..

"Charlotte" is the only person in my life that pull me through all these emotional crisis……..without her I wont be able to go through all these on my own. She brighten my life, she gives me her shoulder to cry on when I am sad ( though she is only 3 years old), she told be "Mum it will be alright" whenever she sees tears drooling down my face, she is there for me. I thank u God for giving her to me.

Well I will be strong for her.

Today I realised something about some of the frens that I make recently… Well I dont know what I have done or what I have say that make them get upset with me. Some even avoided me. Probably I am just too friendly and open up too much to others…Or perhaps whatever i have said that accidentally make them misunderstand what I meant and got upset with me…

Well I dont want to make any enemies especially in a foreign country like this… But what can I do?????………..Well I think…… to talk less and mind my own business instead of others are the best ways that I could ever think of.

Well thank God I do still have a few good frens here especially the one that works and studies together with me. We have gone through many things together for the past one and a half year. We did argue and had disagreement, however without her I wouldnt be able to make it thru. She may be very much younger than me but she pull me thru a lot of emotional crisis that I encountered here. Thank You! ( If u are reading this blog, I hope u know how much I do appreciate our friendship)

Well, no doubt I am very upset now… but I know that God will solve this problem for me…

yA bad week! Coz Charlotte is sick. She has got a chest infection. As a mother I am very worried about her especially the fever seems to come back now and then. As for my hubby he is kind of taking it so easy. That make me even more worried as I am working everyday during the weekdays, hence cant take care of Charlotte fully. Therefore gotto called back almost 5 to 6 times a day to check on her.Well that ’s the responsibility of a mother. I treasure my mum more now coz I can feel how she felt and I understand her better. But I think it is a bit too late coz she passed away 10 years ago. Well its ok I know that she knows how I feel too. Anyway hope that Charlotte will recover as soon as possible!